Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Reflections on Relations



Here in this little blog I have enjoyed writing in my free time over the past few years about where we live, what we are doing, as individuals and as a collective, the food we eat, the miracles that have been uncovered and are about to be discovered. The good and bad of the unfoldment in this Great Emergence. It is a literal day to day account of the "We are the Ones we are waiting for" Hopi Prophecy for the coming world.

And in my annual winter retreat and hibernation, when I read more, become unplugged from both electronics and those I interact often with, I have so far been mostly reflecting upon the prophecies question…“What are your relationships?” It is this that I ponder now as I sift through the place where I now sit. I bask in the sunlight of gratitude of the most magnificent relationships I have co-created, vibrated to, and come home to.

Yes, let’s start there! Oh what I come home to! My home structure is a humble one. It shows evidence of our struggles over two decades. There are screens that need replacing, remants of carpeting where carpet was intended to be laid, walls half painted, appliances missing that need to be replaced. But, we have a sense of humor about it all now. Perhaps God wants us to lower our carbon footprint! It's easy to have a sense of humor with the amount of Love that is inside it’s walls. In my home, I have come home to the one I love for 20 years now. We married young in our early 20’s but we had more than half a decade to explore, adventure, discover together before we brought children in to this world. Of all my relations, this is the one I most treasure and treat delicately still after all these years. Because without him, I’m just a wood pile without a match. What amount of warmth would a cold, wood pile be without a match compared to that of a robust fire on a wintery, snowy morn? That is the difference he has made in my life. Certainly, it has never been easy and has often been downright tragic. We’ve endured so many countless “landmines” and yet there he is, still lieing at my bedside. I'm so grateful that he has always supported me in all my changes, twists and turns on this earth. No matter what I decide to venture into, he is there cheering me on and believing in me. How lucky am I? It still moves me when he gives me reiki healing for a headache, or is tender with our now teenage daughter or sits patiently helping with homework for our nearly teenage son amongst many other ways that illustrate what an amazing father he is. And it still makes my heart aflutter when he runs up to give me a kiss goodbye before heading out the door. Or even when he calls in a free moment at work. Here we are still figuring it out together. There’s something to be said out about sheer courage and stick-to-it-ness of Love that brings forth a deeper spring of the purest water flowing through of acceptance, unconditional love, and real true blue forevermore sacred relationship with your soul mate and best friend. No matter what I’ll be right here next to you. Is as if we sit atop the mountain knowing this now to the deepest parts of our marrow. And that knowing brings forth a peace exilir that gives life a much easier flow to each and everything we encounter on the road ahead. Which leads me to looking upon the faces of our children with amazement. They are a road map of how far we’ve come both in their size and in their nature! I could stare at them for hours. Sometimes,I find I will gaze upon them and they will catch me and say “What?!” and there’s no way for me to put into words all that I am feeling as I relish in their beauty and the idea that our love brought them here to this world. At times, I perhaps wasn’t as delicate as a paper doll with them as I was in the beginning sorting our way through parenthood in our own way as best we could. But I return there now, and bask in their peaceful, joyful manner. As I try to listen more closely to each and every conversation of ponder, of amazement, of struggle, of emotional growth, of frustration, of criticism as they push through the contrast of Life to become the most beautiful people! And I'm still moved by their friendship with each other. Whether we hear them laughing hard in a downstairs bedroom or working out a new, silly duet on the piano that closeness is still thankfully evident. At nearly 14 and 12 it is as if I’m seeing them for the first time as they change before my eyes minute by minute, hour by hour, day by day… here they are. Growing to nearly our size. Loving us still. Laughing along side of us. Becoming their own selves. Healthy, talented if not gifted, silly despite it ALL…how much more grateful could my heart be?

From here we go to family, a loving mother who gives so freely and lovingly of her resources and time it touches me deeply to always ask God and all my team of resources to please bring it back equally times ten to her all for that she gives to us and others! Always asking, what can I help you with? How beautiful is that? Nothing brings her more joy than helping, being here for, and loving her children.
And when in the most frustrating moments, finding the laughter! I so get that from her. I’ve been missing the Daddy who left just a few months ago now, in moments it hits me so strong it’s hard to breathe. Wishing I’d have spent more time with him while he was here but life as a working mother and wife consumed me in his final years. But,I strive for no more crying, just gratitude for the love. For the laughter. For the adventures. For the look in his eye when I’d wrap my pinky finger in his even in adulthood. For the stories. Oh, did he live and have stories! In death we can always find a deeper appreciation for life and this reflection upon my relations really began with his departure. Sister and brothers who are near and who may be so very different from me, yet they are appreciated and loved as part of the quilt of our family… each a unique thread and their families a patch of a very special familial quilt.

And finally, as I ponder my Relationships, I’m most surprised at the turns and transformations my friendships have taken. As a child, friendships were very important to me. If you asked my mother to distinguish me from my siblings it would be this friendship factor. I apparently had a great number of friends and they were important part of my life. At a young age, an undeterminable number of pals helped me to escape, to giggle, and a I guess just to feel free. At mid life, it has come full circle as my friends today do this for me and more! I examined these relationships harder as the Hopi ask early on on this spiritual path and in some ways I guess I let go of my stronghold of my priorities of friendships once I was married and then had children. Friendships fell in at a distant third and even fourth after my career. And it showed. Then when I really needed a friend to lean on when hard times knocked at my door. They weren’t there. It was hard to reflect on such pain as calling a friend that in my heart I felt would always be there, only to discover Life took us both to new and distant shores. Then,I simply took my ball and went home. Too many other new friends came by who I didn’t have the energy or time to invest in. Time and time again, it seemed I was too hesitant and too disappointed to want to go outside to play. And when I did, I didn’t really enjoy the company or the actions or discussions of their company enough to want to continue the effort of venturing out. But then as time passed by and I had time to regroup, a rebirth occurred. I found a few old friends and we picked up as if time hadn’t passed. I met new ones that touched me and saw me more deeply than old ones ever would have. I may not see them often, still the busy mother and wife that I’ve been for so long, but despite that they are more precious to me then I ever imagined. These new friendships are so beautiful! I feel that they were brought in on angels wings and at times because of this they feel often so fragile and delicate. Like a tulip whose bloom can be dashed away so swiftly by a strong spring wind. They have busy lives just as I do. But as I reflect now on my relationships, I feel the gift they have brought to make my life so well rounded, and I know it’s worth the effort to stay in touch with them. To make time for conversations with them. To feel their great hugs and hug them back. Hard. I am so grateful now of all my relations including this treasure box of friends now both old and mostly new. She helped me to cry again. She always makes me laugh. She’s just like me. He told me with his spiritual gifts why the bad stuff happened and it finally made sense enough to let me face it and let go. She encouraged, no PUSHED me through to use my spiritual gifts. She tells me like it is when I need to hear it most. Tough Love.
She tells me she loves me already. And I believe her. They love who I am and do not try to change who I am. They encourage me when I try new things. Even though for some we are just getting started, they still feel they can be the ones that when I’m old gray it will feel as if they’ve always been there and just as if I am there for them, for once and evermore they’re always there when I need them, just like I always dreamed of. The Prophecy says among other things….“Know your garden” “Create your community”. “Be good to each other” “This could be a good time!” “See who is in there with you and Celebrate!” Celebrate indeed. Thank you my dear beloved, my family, and my friends old and so very new. I love you deeply and completely. Namaste.

2 comments:

LauraEgland said...

... and my soul smiled in every way it possibly good. Thank you, Jilly. Well done.

Great Emergence said...

Why thank you Dearest Laura! XXOO