Tuesday, August 04, 2009

Daddy's angel

Daddy's angel

by Jill Westerholm


The angel came and sat next to me as I watched the ocean waves come in and out, in and out. Just sitting still to listen to nature's pulse relaxed my breath until slowly every breath was in unison with the waves rolling in and wetting my feet, then receding again.

I chose this visual as I laid in the guest bedroom of a friend's lake cabin to finally process all that had gone before me in the previous weeks. I welcomed this opportunity that had somehow escaped me even in moments alone at home and on the hour and half drive up to this wonderful, wooded retreat.

I sat now,in my mind, on the partially wet driftwood watching the waves and just breathing as I often tell so many loved ones to do. In an instant he was standing there to my right about 15 feet away on the waters edge. In his white robe he stood out from the otherwise near dusk, cloudy grey sky reflecting on grey water. His long jet black hair was stunning against the otherwise grey palette behind him from which he seemed to just suddenly appear. He didn't need to speak, his presence alone brought me solace. Don't you have loved ones, friends, family with whom you feel this way? Even after years of not seeing them or even speaking with them? The years quickly melt away and it's as if time never passed between you? Angels have that same familiarity. I do not remember his wings but this energy, this feeling is what brings this truth to me. I've never needed a halo and wings.

When I first saw him in this meditation, I didn't wish to speak or even listen. I was exhausted and very much enjoying my chosen therapy of watching the waves shuffle in and out to relax my anxieties and my breath. He being who and what he was, sensed this of me and simply walked toward me and sat beside me on the long, skinny slab of driftwood. For some time he sat there with me like he was waiting patiently for me to acknowledge him but with no other pressing agenda but to sit near me. I filled with more and more serenity from the simple peace of watching the ocean's beauty and listening to it's sounds of the waves crashing in, their timeless rhythm slowing my breath, of the occasional seagull flying overhead and the company of this quiet, gentle, beautiful, long, black haired angel sitting with me.

My, how I've evolved I remember reflecting...in previous visions I'd be so eager to ask questions I could hardly form the question! Sorta like the rambling, disjointed messages I've been known to leave on friends answering machines! But here now, I was content just to sit here, to be present, and to continue to breathe.

Finally, after some time, more than half hour or hour it's hard to know, I turned to him and asked, "Why are you here?" and he replied "to comfort you" as he looked deeply into my eyes. I smiled broadly at the response. The other side is so much less complex then we make it here on Earth. This little message told me so.

When my Dad was rushed by ambulance to the hospital, I arrived relieved to find him relaxed and talking in his ICU hospital bed despite many beeping noises, heart pump at his feet and 2-3 monitors of all colors. He had gone to the walk in clinic complaining of chest pains thinking it was indigestion only to be whisked away swiftly sirens and all. I said to him it must have been scary to be riding in that ambulance! And he admitted it was very scary indeed. I recalled and reminded him of many years ago when I too went to the walk in clinic complaining of stomach pains and was told to be driven by someone or by ambulance to the hospital as my condition was fatal and I was in need of emergency surgery to find and remove a blocked gallstone that was causing my liver and pancreas to fail. I didn't have any health insurance at the time and had to release many fears....financially, physically and certainly emotionally! Following the surgery, I saw my first Angel at the foot of my hospital bed. I had spoken to a physical angel once before, and I wasn't alone so I have a witness to that special gem but that's a different experience entirely so this was my first and in fact the last angel before this beautiful, black haired fellow came to sit beside me. This hospital one was a very prominent, tall, gold and glittering figure although I could just make out the outline. But the outline of the hair, the figure, the wings was unforgettable to say the least! Dad asked me now, "I wonder why the angel was there?" Typical of Dad, a brilliant interviewer who taught me everything I know, broadcasting hall of famer that he was, it was an excellent question...one I really hadn't wondered at the time or since. I answered as best I could "To tell me everything would be alright, to tell me not be fearful of anything,of the hospital bed, of the surgery I'd just had, the recovery, the bill..." In essence, to comfort me but I didn't say that as I searched for the appropriate answer. And so it is that I smiled when I was finally ready to speak with this angel, remembering this conversation just days before my Dad had unexpectedly passed, I asked the question, the great question Dad had given me, in honor of my Dad. Here this elegant, white robed angel sat with me now, perhaps the same one, with such detail it made me feel like a little child, androgynous but muscular, blue eyes, fair skin, long, luscious black hair

just 17 days after my Daddy died

to comfort me.

I have no doubt Dad "sent" him to be with me.

And comfort me he did.

Then, and ever since.

No comments: